Illegal use of jargon will result in harassment and laughter…

People sometimes have this problem where they say things that they think sound smart and knowledgeable, but little do they know that improper use of jargon is going to make you sound like a tard.

One guy came in to get an oil change on his Altima.  I asked him if he knew which engine it had in it…

Man: “Yeah, it’s got a V4.”

It wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t sounded all serious like a car-head when he said it.  So, I couldn’t help myself.

Me: “Hmmm, the V4?  I head that’s a rare engine, must have been a great that you had that option.  Unfortunatly, my computer does not list a V4 engine. I’ll have to find a way to get your vehicle info in.”

Man: “You mean you don’t list the four cylider?”

Me: “I have a listing for the in-line four, but the V4 might take a different amount of oil due to the configuration of the block.  I’ll have to see this one when it comes into the shop.”

Man: “That’s weird, everywhere else I’ve been I haven’t had any problems like this.  Are you sure you don’t have a listing?”

Me: (giggling) “Sir, to my knowledge, there is no V4 engine in any vehicle sold in the U.S. or elsewhere.  Our four cylider vehicles are in-line.”

The shades of red this man turned.  Apparently, the cute blond looking at the tires next to him was with him and found it funny that he didn’t know and well, that I played him.  He took it well, he was just embarrassed and when we were done with the paper work he asked me what the V meant…

I explained to him that it simply mimicked the shape created when two rows of cylinders are placed across from each other at an angle.  On an in-line four, they just go across…in a line. 

I like to think that he is going to stay within his own realm of expertise and find some other way to catch girls…cause I was totally not impressed.

Repair shop…Hospital…they’re closer than you think!

Sometimes I wonder where people come up with the things that they think thier cars need.  After this phone call, I’m not sure that anything else can surprise me.

Me: “How can I help you?”

Lady: “Hi, I was wondering if you do transmission services at your shop.”

Me: “We do some services, but we don’t specialize in transmission repair.  What type of service are you looking for?”

Lady: “I need a flush and the bedpan changed, I hit it somehow and it’s leaking on my driveway.”

Me: (Giggling) “The bedpan?”

Lady: “Yes.  The transmission bedpan.”

Me: “You mean the transmission pan?”

Lady: “No, I’m pretty sure I told you that I needed the BEDPAN!”

Me: “Well, A bedpan is a type of metal bowl that is used in hospitals for people who can not get up to go to the bathroom.  I’m sure it’s only use in a vehicle is the same.  It’s not for when you truck decides to take a dump.”

Lady: “Well, what ever.”

Me: “You’re looking at around $140 to flush the transmission, change the filter and the gasket, then we’d put the new pan on.  That I’d have to call and get a price on unless you already have the new one.”

Lady: “Yes, I bought it already.”

Me: “When you come down we’ll fit you right in and get that pan done for you so there aren’t any more accidents on the driveway.”

Lady: “Accidents?”

Me: “Yeah, when the truck misses the pan and leaves those embarrassing stains.”

Lady: “Oh, yes.  Thank you, I’ll be right down.”

She came after I had already left, but I just imagined her truck dripping oil into a precariously placed bedpan that sloshed around at every turn…I’m glad I don’t have to clean THAT mess!

My ride is smokin’! NO! SERIOUSLY!

It’s been a while, but the insanity hasn’t stopped.  I don’t know why i keep thinking it will change, i know it won’t.  I was positive that automotive ignorance (and i mean the actual definition of the word) runs deep when two young men came into the shop with a problem that should have never occurred.

It was about 6pm on Saturday evening when the owner asked me if I had someone who could look at his car.  Tragically, the only mech i had was finishing a job and he wasn’t going to take in any more work.  Now, if there’s something going on that seems dangerous I’ll ask the mech to look at it because i don’t want someone getting hurt or possibly hurting someone else.  So, I asked him to tell me what was going on.

He tells me it’s a Honda (Accord i believe), and when he goes to take off from a dead stop, he has to floor it.  By the time he made it to the shop, smoke was billowing from the rear tires.  This seemed serious enough, so i asked my guy to look at it and he went out to the car, came right back and reported his findings.

 ”I don’t think it’s gonna be too serious, but we should look at it,” he tells me.

Me: “Parking brake?”

Him: “Yeah.”

Me: “I take it his car didn’t come equipped with a light on the dash that tels you the brake is on? HAHAHA”

Him: “Maybe he just can’t read.”

We put it on the rack and looked at the brakes and nothing looked dangerous, the brake hoses were intact and the parking brake still functioned.  We suggested he bring it back or to take it somewhere in the morning for an inspecion of the entire brake system, but we felt the vehicle was safe to drive.  Before he left, we showed him the BRAKE light on his dash and advised him to pay more attention to the “idiot” lights because they are there for a reason.

When they left, I wondered how two men, both apparently in thier twenties, could fail to notice that the brake handle is in it’s upright position.  Only inches away.  Right there.  Not even common sense succeeded in this case. 

The worst part?  It’s a manual.  You have to release the P brake every time you start the car to drive.  Although he’s never returned, I imagine that he’s learned a valuable lesson: We buy nice cars with great features because they are fun to drive.  When we don’t pay attention to the little things that become mundane we risk hurting the very thing that we draw our pleasure from.