I’m so sorry your brain was unavailable for this call…

I love Friday.  It’s only two days away from “Chicken Wing Sunday” and today it was fairly relaxed.  The customers that came in and did business were polite and patient, and in the shop, all went smoothly. 

However, I recieved a series of phone calls that threw me off for a while.  I’m not sure where these people come from, but sometimes I wish they’d go back.

Call #1

Man: “Hi.  I have a 2003 Mercedes and I want to get the oil pan replaced.  How much is that going to cost me?”

Me: “Well, we don’t work on European cars here.  You might try the dealership or a shop dedicated to the Euro-cars.”

Man: “Well, I had thought about doing it myself, but I can’t lift the engine to do it.”

Me: “You shouldn’t have to lift the engine as the oil pan is on the bottom and can be accessed from underneath the car.”

Man: “You mean you don’t have to take the engine out?!?”

Me: “No, possibly there’s a cover underneath to help protect it or a crossmember that goes across it, but usually it’s not that difficult to change.”

Man: “Then why does the dealership want $600 to do it?  There’s got to be a lot of work involved.”

Me: “Sir, it’s a Mercedes dealership.  Why is it ok for them to charge $80k for a car.  Most people who can afford the car can afford the service without complaint.”

Man: “I see.  Well, I guess I’ll have to try it myself, the car payment is high enough without having to repair the thing too.  Thank you.”

*CLICK*

People with these cars amaze me.  If you’re too cheap to get that type of car repaired at the dealer, buy a less expensive car.  If we go back a few posts, we’ll remember the gentleman with the BMW X5, who added 2 quarts of oil to his radiator.  Why?  Too cheap to pay someone to do it.  It seems that if you’re too cheap to pay someone to fix your luxury car, you are also incompetent when it comes to maintenance and repair.  This also seems to make people eager to to fix thier own cars, even if they have to do it “in the dark”. 

Now, this guy didn’t even know that the oil pan was on the bottom of the engine, surely he has no idea that the bolt will need to be set at a specific torque in a specific or in a specific pattern.  Surely when he is finished with it it will leak more than before and he will eat the dealer cost to fix his boo-boo.

Call #2

Man: “Hi, I’m looking for the service manager.”

Me: “The service manager has left for the day, is there something I can help you with or can I take a message for him?”

Man: “Well, do you have anyone working in service?”

Me: “Yeah, I work in service, what can I do for you?”

Man: “YOU work in service?”

Me: “Yes I do.  Surprise, surprise.  How can I help you?”  (Yes, I do get sassy with idiots.)

Man: “Well, the bolt in my transmission is stripped.  Do you even know what a transmission is?”

At this point, I bit my tongue, and when the foul words stopped coursing through my brain, I continued…

Me: “Yes, I’m well aware of what a transmission is and how it functions.”

Man: “Well, the bolt is stripped and I need it removed.  See, the bolt allows you to drain the fluid out-”

Me: “Look, Sir, I’m well aware of what the drain bolt is for, what is it that you need?”

Man: “It’s a manual transission, that means you shift the gears yourself, and I’m trying to get the bolt out because I want to drain and refill it with fresh oil.”

Me: “We don’t really get into transmission work here, but we do the drain and fill, it runs about fifty dollars.”

Man: “I’m not gonna pay YOU to drain my oil.  I just want you to loosen the bolt.”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure we can do that.  If the bolt is stripped when we take it out we’ll have a problem, plus, once the bolt is removed, the oil will come out.  I wouldn’t write it up unless we were performing the entire service.  Like I said, it there’s anything wrong with the bolt when we take it out, that would leave us liable.”

Man: “There IS something already wrong with the bolt, it’s stripped.  There’s barely anything there anymore.”

Me: “Well I can’t just loosen the bolt.  When a vehicle leaves this shop, all it’s bolts that we’ve touched need to be tightened down.  It can’t leave with a loose transmission drain plug.”

Man: “It’ll only take five minutes to do it.”

Me: “We don’t want the liability.  You can try vice grips or tap it out, but I seriously doubt we’ll have anything ot do with you car’s transmission.”

Man: “That doesn’t make any sense.  What is liability anyway?  I have a problem and you’re concerned about liability.  I’m going to speak with your manager.”

*CLICK*

What can I say about this man that wouldn’t defile my blog?  If I could have thrown my ovaries at him through the phone I would have.  It’s funny how these people call me with thier concerns, then question my knowledge of the field that I work in.  If I had man-bits, they’d believe everything I tell them. 

Call #3

A lady had come in earlier in the day because her tire had a slow leak.  Turns out, her rim cracked and I couldn’t get an immediate replacement, so I told her I’ll keep looking for one and I’d call her.  In the meantime, we put the spare on the vehicle and she went along her way.  Later, she called me.

Lady: “Have you found anything out yet?”

Me: “Well, I found a rim for $340, but they can’t pin down when I’ll be able to get it.”

Lady: “Well, what if I decide I don’t want a rim, I just want the tire?”

Me: “You’ll have a difficult time driving.  The rim is what attatches the tires to the vehicle, without one, the other three are pretty useless.”

Lady: “I don’t see why I have to have a rim, but if you say I do need one, then I suppose I’ll get one.”

Me: “I’m going to keep looking to see if I can get you a rim soon and at a good price.  I’ll give you a call.”

Lady: “Thank you.”

Me: “You’re welcome.  I’ll talk to you soon.”

*CLICK*

This lady was very nice, and although she did not see the point of having the rim, I appreciate that she didn’t harrass me about it.  I’m still trying to find somewhere that I can get the rim or get it repaired for her. 

I can’t work miracles.  But I try my best to give my full attention and care to each customer I come in contact with.  However, I admit that I work within my human limitations and sometimes people incite me and I need to work on that.  However, to all of these people let me say this: My car has four wheels, a functional tranny, a sealed oil pan, COOLANT in my radiator, and an engine that runs properly.  Surely I know something more than they do about cars, and that’s what I think about as I drive home every day.

HAHAHA

You can’t spell “DIESEL” without DIE!

Sometimes, a car comes through the shop and I’m sad I’m not the one who got to write it up.  Like today, a gentleman comes in with a Nissan Altima (a ‘99 I’m sure), or should I say his car got towed in. 

The car wouldn’t run.  It happened after the owner filled the gas tank.  Apparently, he did not take notice of the green handle on the pump. He told us he thought there was something wrong with the nozzle because it wouldn’t fit in the filler neck of the car, but he was going to get is gas, by any means necessary.

Today was the day this man discovered that his car does not run on diesel fuel.  His little 2.5 liter engine couldn’t possible create the compression needed to burn the diesel, and so it choked and died under the pressure.

Lucky for him, he didn’t ruin his fuel pump.   He left the shop with a four- or five-hundred dollar bill, but his car was functional and didn’t need all of the work it could have needed.

I also have a note forYOU PEOPLE (and you KNOW who you are) about shop etiquitte.

DO NOT pull into someone’s open bay without explicit permission form the person who can fix (or disable) your car.  Not only will you get dirty looks and bad attitude from the employees, you might get blocked in until someone feels like letting you out.

DO NOT block the bay doors.  Contrary to what you may think, we need to get cars in and out of the shop, and that can’t happen when you’re sitting in front of the shop like a window licker.

DO NOT pull up to the shop and honk your horn.  NO ONE WILL HELP YOU!!  Park the car (between the white lines AKA a “parking spot”) and get your lazy ass out and talk to the service writer so they can help you.

DO NOT walk through the shop if you haven’t been invited in.  The shop is a dangerous place to have people milling about.  Plus, that’s where we go when we want to talk bad about people (yes, it’s you we’re talking about).

Although these are not all of the rules you should follow, they are a good start for when you arrive at the shop for repairs.

 Tonight, a woman asked if we could install some wheel covers (hubcaps) for her.  We told her to go around back in front of bay #2 where there was no work being done.  Instead, she goes to bay #1.  Since no one came out fast enough, she just pulled into the bay.  At this point, I had a mechanic pulling a vehicle around to go into that very same bay, but he could not until she was shooed out of the shop.

We told her again to pull in front of bay #2.  While she was re-parking, I ran insdie to help a cutomer who came to pick up his car.  I lead him into the shop (as his vehicle was still parked inside) and lo an behold, this crazy, non-listening woman parked in front of bay #3, where the car was that needed to leave.  I wanted to slap that woman with her new wheel covers, possibly to knock some sense into her, possibly to get my jollies.  Probably a little of both.

One time, a woman pulled into the shop improperly and busted a tire on one of the lifts.  She was mad at us for having “dangerous equipment lying around” and wanted us to pay for a new tire for her car.  Did we?  NO!!

No one asked her to pull the car in herself.  She was trying to get faster service, but that’s not really how it worked out for her.  She had to wait for her car and pay for a new tire.  I can only imagine that she’s learned her lesson about going places she wasn’t invited.

These are true stories of people who have no idea what to do at an auto repair facility.  When you injure yourself, you don’t march into the operating room and lay down on the table so you’ll be next.  Same thing with the shop, IT’S NOT YOUR MOMMA’S HOUSE, PEOPLE!!!!  Find a parking spot and wait your turn.

Self proclaimed mechanics…on the next Maury

A few days ago, we had a late 90’s/early 2000 Grand Prix come into our shop for an alignment.  The owner of the vehicle informed us that she had recently done some suspension work and the vehicle was pulling to the right.  She didn’t get an inspection done on the car because her boyfriend told her she didn’t have to. 

We proceeded to do our normal checks on the vehicle prior to performing any work and we found that this car had a bald tire, a separated tire, and bad inner tie rod ends.  The girl agreed to to the tie rod ends and the alignment, but declined the tires at the advice of her boyfriend.

We noted that she declined the other work but did the tie rod ends and aligned it.  The problem was that the tires were bad.  The separated tire on the left rear, and the bald tire on the right front cause the vehicle to pull even though every angle was within specification.  This was all noted on her work order and I told this all to her when i called her to let her know that her vehicle was done.

When she came to pick up her car, her boyfriend let me know that the car could never have made it on the alignment rack the way the wheels were looking.  “They’re not both facing forward, and neither is the steering wheel,” he tells me.

Concerned, I grab the keys to her car and I go out to the car with the girl.  I stand about ten feet in front of the car and crouch down on my haunches, and it hit me.  I get up and go to the car, start it up, drive in reverse for a few feet, then drive forward a few feet while letting the steering wheel center itself.

I turned the car off, walked back in front of the car back in my origional position, and I tell her to come look.

Girl: “Hmm, it does seem better.”

Me: “When the steering wheel is turned, the wheel turns.”

Girl: “Well, they still look a little crooked.”

Me: “Your alignment angles camber and toe can make wheels on cars look crooked.  The camber is the inward/outward tilt of the wheel when looking at the tire from in front of a vehicle.  The toe angle represents the difference between the front edge of the tires and the rear edge of the tires when measured at the spindle height.  When the vehicle begins to move forward the weight of the vehicle pushes the front edge of the tires apart from each other and at the same time it pulls the tops of the tires closer together allowing the tire tread to come in full contact with the road in a forward motion.  On the driver side, the front tire is tilted outward to allow for road crown.”

(Road crown refers to the center of a road being higher than the edges to discourage water from sitting in the middle of the road.)

We walk back inside to where her boyfriend is and I remind her that her alignment is under warranty.

Me: “If you aren’t happy with your alignment, bring it back and we’ll recheck the angles.  However, the bad tires are going to cause some pulling that has nothing to do with the alignment.  If you have any problems, call me when you get home and let me know so i can set something up for tomorrow.”

Girl: “Ok.  Thanks.”

She and her man leave and within half an hour, she was on the phone with me.

Girl: “I got in the center lane, let go of the wheel, and my car careened into the shoulder and I almost crashed.  There’s totally something wrong with it.”

Me: “Can you bring it in the morning?”

Girl: “Yes, I’ll be there.”

Saturday afternoon I come in to work to see her car sitting in the parking lot.  I talked to the mechanic about it, and I had him recheck the work that was performed on the tie rods, the alignment angles, and I asked him to test drive it and write down his opinion.  I didn’t tell him what her complaints were beyond what was on the work order.

Well, during this period of time out alignment rack was compromised and and it took some time before we could restore any functionality to it (not that we’d need it anyway at this point).  The mechanic test drove it and when he got back into the shop the first this he did was open the hood and rev the engine.  I watched the engine torque up about three inches.  It all came together. 

See, this particular vehicle has 6 mounts that hold the engine to the frame.  Most people don’t understand the type of power that an engine creates.  When they say it’s 200 horsepower, it’s because it’s like having 200 mad ponies running the open fields under your hood.  The engine mounts control those ponies, driving them in the same direction for maximum engery output. 

The ponies in this car broke free of their harnesses and could be containd no longer.  When the accelerator is pressed, the surge of fuel increases the power output of the engine.  Because the mounts no longer held the engine still, power is lost through the engine pushing against the mounts.  The transaxle (as this is a front wheel drive car) is securely attached to the engine with a series of bolts.  Where the engine goes, the tranny follows.  Since the axles are atached to the transaxle they follow the motion of the transmission.  The change in weight distribution at acceleration allows for the toe angle to change and affect the direction of travel.  The result is similar at higher steady speeds, the vehicle is “lighter” because the engine is pulling upward allowingthe toe to change because the axles are pulled up.

I’m sorry if this sounds a little complicated, but thats how some car problems are.  See, on top of physics, you throw in a bald tire and a separated tire (which is no longer truely round) and I’m surprised her car didn’t rip into two while driving.

I called her on the phone Saturday evening and told her our conclusions.  I tried to explain everything so she could understand it and I asked her if I could keep the car overnight to see if there was anything I could do for her.  She agreed that she could use new tires, but stopped short of saying that could cause her problem, and she told me that she knew she needed to get new engine mounts.  She to leave the car and I promised to call her in the morning.

Within fifteen minutes, her boyfriend was in my ear talkin’ crazy on the phone.

Man: “So, you’re telling me that a separated tire on the rear axle can make the car pull?  I don’t believe that for a second.  It’s not even on the drive axle.  And the engine mount isn’t going to do anything to the direction of the car.”

Me: “Well, Sir, that’s what’s going on with the car.  The inner tie rods were put on properly.  You don’t have to believe it, but the tires will cause vehicle pull, and so will bad mounts.”

Man: “So, what about the leaking rack?”

Me: “Well, judging by the amount of crud on it, we believe that it has been leaking for a while.  When the leak is fresh, it’s clean.  This one has a layer of muck on it.  Probably started leaking again when we topped off the fluids.  But I’ve talked to the owner of the vehicle and we’ve worked out the details.”

Man: “Well, I want you call me before you call her.”

Me: “Sir, it’s her car and only she can authorize repairs on it.  I will call her and it’s her decision whether or not to call you.”

Our phone call ended shortly after this and I locked her car up in the shop.   I left and went home in anticipation of the final showdown.

Today, Sunday, I talk to the assistant sevice manager about this car.  We confer with the mechanic and we all stick by our conclusion that her tires and mounts are causing this drifting problem.  I ask about the rack, and I’m told that the seals are leaking inside of the boot.  The seals hold the fluid in the rack.  The rack uses a hydraulic pressure to push it left or right to turn the wheels.  The tie rods do not require opening the hydraulic portion of the rack.  They bolt on to the outside of the rack, nthey go inside of the boot, but not inside of the rack itself.

I call this girl back for the last time.  I talk with her about the tire condition.  I revisit the wonders of the engine mounts with her.  And I explain the process of installing new inner tie rods and how they don’t open the rack to do it.

I know she’s upset by her tone, but I tell her that if she gets new tires and some mounts, she’s notice a big difference.  She tells me she’ll be in to get her car.

A couple hours later, her boyfriend arrives with a tow truck. He stomps in and refuses to speak to me, so he talks to the assistant mgr.  about the car.  They go through the same conversation we went through last night.  Then it gets interesting.

Man: “Look, I’ve been in the automotive industry for 10 yeas and I’ve never heard anything this crazy.”

AM: “Well, if you take the time to actually think about this in a rational manner while using common sense, it will become very easy to understand.  If you don’t have four treaded, round tires on the vehicle, it will cause pull.  It doesn’t matter what position the tire is in unless it’s the spare.  If the mounts go bad the engine torques up, pulling the transaxle and subsequently the axle shafts.  This allows the toe to change and will cause the vehicle to pull.”

Man: “Well, I’ve talked to three people and they said they’ve never heard of such a thing.”

AM: “Who are they because I’d like to talk to them?”

Man: “The point is that I don’t think that bad tires or mounts can cause this problem.  What about my leaking rack?”

AM: “It is leaking, from the seals.”

Man: “Well, it wasn’t leaking when it came into the shop.”

AM: “When it first came into the shop it barely had any fluid in the power steering system, that’s noted on the first invoice.  When it has fluid and a bad seal, the fluid leaks out.  We haven’t even opened the rack up.”

Man: “You expect me to believe that you can put inner tie rods on without opening the rack.  I lifted the front of the car up on my tow truck this morning, and there was a new ziptie around the rack boot.”

AM: “That’s because the tie rod connects onto the rack inside of the boot.  But not inside of the rack.  They move the boot to put on the tie rod end.  Then they move it back and secure it.”

Man: “I want a written copy of everything you say is going on.”

I had already gotten this information ready and I gave it and the keys to the boyfriend.  When he walked out, AM thought it was crazy that this man thought 10 years of towing vehicles gave him the knowledge to completely diagnose an automotive problem.  If he was a mechanic, he could have fixed it himself, or at the very least, his origional diagnosis of poor alignment would have completely repaired the vehicle.

I don’t down people who know cars.  I have customers who know more about cars than I do.  And when they explain something to me, I can visualize it and understand why a part or system works a certain way.  I know there are some people who will never be able to grasp how a car works (how I can’t grasp how higher math works) and most of these people ask thier few questions and trust that you’ll help them do the right thing. 

People who think they know about cars, but can’t understand the physical concepts and limits connected to them, are the bane of my existance.  I’m sure he felt that I had no idea what I was talking about.  And when he talked to AM (who is an ASE Certified mechanic) he just knew that he was right.  There was no room in his mind for error on his part.  No openess to understanding. 

We told him, the alignment is under warranty, and when they put new tires on the car and change out the mounts, we’ll make any adjustments at no expense.

He hooked the car up to his tow truck and left.  I still feel confident that he could take the car to any tire or repair shop and they would let him know that it has some serious wrinkles to iron out before it will drive straight. 

Sometimes, the scope of our problem is way beyond our ability to comprehend.   When my computer fails and people start talking about gigs and ram and system administrating, I become immediatly confused.  I can understand the words as far as meaning, but I cannot begin to understand how hardware and software work together or how my internet gets slow sometimes. 

When my computer is being repaired, I don’t question thier experience unless they try to use a sledge hammer to “knock some sense into it”.  I listen to the problem, the cause, and the solution, and I let them do thier job.  That’s all she wrote. 

In the end, he doesn’t have to believe it, not that doesn’t make it any less true.

Yes we’re hiring…but not you.

At work, I picked up the phone, and this is the conversation that followed.

Man: “Hi, I’m filling out an application to work there and I was wondering if you could help me out.”

Me: “Sure, I’ll try.  What can I do for you?”

Man: “I’m at the part where they’re asking for the job I’m applying for, and I can’t remember what the title is.”

Me: “Hmmm, well, do you know what you’d be doing at the job?”

Man: “Yeah.  I want to be one of the car-fixer guys.”

Me: “Do you mean a mechanic?”

Man: “Is that what they’re called?”

Me: “Yes, Sir.  Mechanic.  Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Man: “No.  That’s all I needed to know, thank you.”

Me: “Your welcome. If you have any other questions, please feel free to call again .”

*CLICK*

Yeah.  I deal with this every day…

Cash or credit…you decide

Sometimes the complaints that come into the shop have nothing to do with the service we give.  We had a gentleman come in last Sunday and he got a belt and some wipers put on his vehicle.  He was a nice man and we chatted for a few minutes when he came to pick up his car.

When I went to ring him out, he wanted to pay with credit.  Unfortunatly, the credit system was down and we couldn’t process any credit or debit.

Man: “I can’t pay with my card, eh?”

Me: “I’m sorry, Sir.  The machine is down, I can take cash and checks right now.”

Man: “I don’t have my checkbook with me.  How about you give me the car, and I’ll go home and come back when the mahine is working.  I’m trying not to spend my cash, I need it to pay for something.”

Me: “Hmmm.  I can’t give you your keys until you pay for the work.  You can leave the car and come back when the machine is working.”

Man: “I’m not leaving without my car.”

Me: “Then you’ll have to settle the invoice.”

Now, this bill was just under $75.  He took out his wallet and thumbed through the cash because I refused to let him have the keys without paying.  People may think it’s cruel, but cars aren’t fixed for free and if you’re short on funds you really need to prioritize because your car may not be as important as you think it is.  Anywho, this guy was upset at this credit card thing, but he was in the process of forming an idea.

Man: “I’m gonna pay for this.  But I’m gonna come back when the credit card machine is working.  I want you to give me back my cash and take it off of this card.”

Me: “Yeah.  I don’t think that is going to be able to happen.  See, when you pay for a workorder, it’s completed in the system, and when you refund one, a whole other one has to be created if it’s going to be paid a different way.   We don’t do it unless we absolutly have to.  In this case, it isn’t ever going to happen.  But you can talk to the service manager tomorrow morning if you want to try.  But, I doubt he’ll go for it.”

Man: “You should just give me the keys because this is inconvenient to me.  Your machine should be working.”

Me: “Sometimes things don’t work and it’s not our fault.  We don’t control the company that processes our credit cards.  I can’t call them and tell them I need it now.  Some things take time.  You can either pay now or come back when the system is up.”

He stopped arguing with me and took his keys, promising he’d be back for his cash.  I let it go, laughd about it and went on with life.

Well, here it is, Thursday, and there was a little packet of papers left in an envelope in the key drop box.  Yes, it was from this very man who promised to return for his cash.  In this bundle of paper was a note detailinghis concerns about his cash.  Then there was a few pages filled with copies of receipts.  Then there was a copy of his work order and a failed SMOG test.  I found the last page to be the most interesting.  It was a copy of a letter from the state treasury department stating that this man’s house was going to be sold due to owed taxes.

I am still surprised at this.  There’s nothing we can do about his tax situation.  And his $75 problem wasn’t going to make much of a dent in his $7700 tax bill.  I now understood why he needed the money, as it can only be paid in cash or cashier’s check.  Still, his personal issues are just that.  Personal.  There’s nothing we can do about his taxes.  He made the difficult decision to pay with cash.  Had he waited, the system would have come back up and he could have paid then.  But he wanted the car right then. 

The moral of this story is: PAY YOUR TAXES!!

Sabotage…

Today sucked, from the moment I came in to work, it went poorly.  But nothing prepared me for the woman that would stain my evening with her presence.  See, she dropped her ‘99 Catera off for an oil change and light replacement.

Now, one of the other service advisors told me that she was going to need a hi beam, tail light, and rear turn signal.  This was written on the paperwork, given to me, and I ordered the bulbs.  When the vehicle was finished, it was invoiced, paid and left the property.

She returned shortly and told me that her headlight was out even though her paperwork clearly showed that she paid to have a light installed.  I was interested so I listened as she told me how her lo beam was not on.  I got my installer and he went out to her car with her, and by the time he got back, he was livid.  I left the shop and met this lady by the desk.

Lady: “I told you the lo beam is out.”

Me: “Ma’am, when that car left this shop, the lo beams both worked.”

Lady: “Well, it’s out right now.  That’s not even the light that was supposed to be installed, it was supposed to be the lo beam, not the hi beam.  I can’t believe it.”

Me: “Ma’am, you signed a piece of paper saying which light it was, this is the hi beam on this paper.  I’ll replace the bulb for you”

Lady: “So now I have to pay for another bulb?”

Me: “No.  I want you to be happy, I’ll take care of the charges.  It’ll be around 20 minutes before I get the next car out of the shop and we’ll get your vehicle inide to fix this for you.”

Lady: “I don’t have that kind of time.  Can can you just give me the bulb?”

Me: “Yes, I think I can do that for you. I’m sorry about this, let me go get the bulb for you.”

I knew this lady had lost her mind.  If the headlamp hadn’t been working, why did she leave the parking lot?  Why did three other people in the shop say that the lo beams had been working.  But in the end, I want to make this lady happy and I don’t want her to think i’m trying to rip her off.I got the bulb, gave it to her, and bid her farewell.

Ten minutes later she walks up to the shop door and yells my name.  I walked up to her and asked her what was going on.  She asked me to follow her to the car so she could show me something.  I follow her outside and I watch as she opens the driver rear door.

Lady: “Look at this!”  She points to the back of the driver seat.

Me: “Hmm, looks like the back came off your seat.”

Lady: “Now, why did they take my seat apart?”

Me: “Ma’am, we have not disassembled the driver seat.  We would have no reason to.”

Lady: “Well, somebody took it off.  I want to know why they would do this to me.”

Me: “Look,” I said pointing to the edge of the panel, “there isn’t even any oil on this.  Surely they would have gotten oil SOMEWHERE on this cream colored panel.”

Lady: “I don’t care HOW they did it. I want to know WHY they did it.”

Me: “There is a pile of clothes and hangars behind the seat, possibly leaning the seat back could cause the right action and enough pressure to open the panel.  We have no reason to be in the back seat, and that’s where you’d have to be to open this.”

Lady: “So, why were they in my back seat?  Were they looking for something?  This is ridiculous.”

Me: “I can give you all the information you need to file a claim.  But we didn’t do this to your car.  I saw this vehicle in the shop and the seat was fine.”

Lady: “Oh, it’s not fine now.  Look at it! I should file a complaint.”

Me: “If you meet me inside I’ll get you the information.”

Lady: “No.  I’m leaving, I just wanted you to see.”

Me: “OK.”  I’m pretty anoyed that she isn’t coming in to get the info for filing a complaint.  How mad can she be if it’s not worth her time?

She drives off in a hurry and I can’t say wasn’t happy to see her go.  But this happiness would be short lived.

Maybe half an hour later the phone rings.  It’s this Catera lady and she’s still upset.

Lady: “My windows aren’t working right.”

Me: “OK.  That’s enough.  We did nothing at all to your windows.  Your headlights and engine oil have nothing to do with the windows.”

Lady: “Well, the windows worked perfectly fine untl you guys had the car. Now the auto function does not work.”

Me: “That’s something in a completely different system from either of the ones we have touched.  I don’t believe we did any such thing to your vehicle.”

Lady: “Well, they were working fine when i brought my car thier.  I can’t believe thie service.  I know YOU personally didn’t do these things to me and my car, but someone there sabotaged my car!”

Me: “I can assure you that we did not sabotage your car, we get no pleasure out of your woes.”

Lady: “Well, they won’t get me!  I’m not coming there again, ok?”

Me: “OK.”

I hung up the phone and went into the shop to tell my installer about this crazy woman and her allegations.  I think it’s hilarious that this woman could think that we just vandalize her car then give it back to her.  We don’t ruin people’s cars, and when we mess up someone’s car, we pay to fix it.  I hate that the woman was angry and felt like we sabotaged her car.  I can’t imagine what she’ll do when she discovers the bomb we put in her glovebox. 

Out of the dark, into enlightenment…

Oh, what a wonderful day!  Nothing too far out of the ordinary happened, the day flew by, and the customers were pretty nice.  No worries, no fights, just smooth sailing…until 7:15.  All our work was finished and we were in the process of cleaning up. 

Out of nowhere an SUV pulls up.  Upon closer inspection, I discovered this was a late model BMW.  I sauntered up to the vehicle and when the owner stepped out, I asked him what was going on because we were closing.

Man: “Can you help me out?  I put the oil in my truck, but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, it’s just sitting there.”

Me: (Thinking this poor soul has probably put 5 gallons of oil in the engine) “Hmm.  What do you mean it’s sitting there?  If you can see the oil level through the filler hole, you’ve put entirely too much oil in the car.”

He opens the hood and takes the cap off, not noticing the stunned look on my face he continues…

Man: (sticking his finger in the oil) “See?  It’s just sitting there, it’s not going into the engine.”

Me: “Well, it’s just sitting there because oil floats on water.”

Man: “But, shouldn’t it go down when it’s running?”

Me: “Not until the thermostat opens.  You put engine oil into the radiator, Sir.  That’s pretty bad for your car.”

Man: “You mean the oil doesn’t go here?  This isn’t the oil cap?”

Me: “No Sir it isn’t.  This cap that says ENGINE OIL, is the oil cap.  This one that has a picture of the radiator on it is forclosing the radiator.”

Man: “How should I know where it goes?  I was doing this in the dark!”

Me: “If I were you, I’d drive home and park this thing until Monday when the BMW dealership opens.  Then flush out your cooling system because surely you will damage your car.”

Man: “Well, I can’t drive this home.  I need you to suck it out.”

Me: “I’m not going to touch it.  This reeks of liability and since I can’t afford a BMW, I’m not going to take the risk.  You can tow it or drive it, but it can’t stay here.”

When you know so little about your car, it’s a bad idea to work on it in the dark, without a book, without a professional’s guidance, and in most cases, you should just take it to someone who isn’t going to break your car.  Really I’m not trying to just sell service to people.  I want people to care about thier cars enough to know when to do the right thing.  It’s tragic enough that cars cost so much to repair and they’re built on the principle of planned obsolecense.  They should not be subject to the ignorance of an eager owner.

This man would have been so much better to buy the oil, take the truck home, then do his maintenance in his garage or in the morning when the sun is up.  It would have been a much better idea than doing it in the dark.  I bet he’ll rack up at least $300 at the dealership getting inspected and flushed.  All because “It seemed like it needed more oil in it”.  Yeah, that was why he bought the oil in the first place.  Not even because a light came on and told him to (as it would in a luxury car), just because it felt that way. 

Before he left, he added two quarts of oil and was disappointed to find out that his oil was too full.  I wasn’t surprised though, his radiator was also two quarts too full.  HAHAHA

PSA #1

I would like to make a Public Service Announcement.  If you are a man, who is attatched to a crazy woman, please inform her that you have put your car in the shop.  Today was not the first day (and surely it won’t be the last) that I called a customer to inform him that his car was ready to be picked up, and some woman answered the phone acting crazy because there is a female on the other end who she doesn’t know.

Woman: “Hello.”

Me: “Hi, is Dave there?”

Woman: (with attitude): “Why?!  Who is THIS?”

Me: “I’m sorry Ma’am, this is Shelly calling from the repair shop.  I was calling to let him know his Ram was ready to pick up.”

Woman: “Whatever!  DAVE! There’s some WOMAN on the phone, says she has your truck!:”

From there she gave the phone to him and I informed him that he could pick up his truck.  I had to wonder why she’s was so edgy.

WOMEN OF AMERICA- If your man is such a dog that you flip out over a call from the shop, you need to leave his drama-totin’ ass alone!

MEN OF AMERICA- If your girl has a spaz attack every time a woman’s voice is on the other end of the phone, LEAVE HER CRAZY ASS ALONE!

I’m not trying to run people’s relationships as I’m in the business of cars, but I’m just sick of answering the probing questions of crazed or unloved wives and girlfriends.  I just hope that maybe someone might read this and save another girl in this industry the trouble.  Because really, nobody likes a nag…not even your lying boyfriend.

Veihicle breakdown is inconvenient by nature…Sir

I sometimes wonder how people have made it so far in thier lives when they expect that the people around them to make thier lives easier.  Some of these people darken my desk…this is the story of one such man.

A young man, probably in his late twenties, came to my job inquirng about a vehicle he had that he thought was having a battery problem.  He said his car wouldn’t start, but if he got a jump, the car would run for a minute or so before dying out.  The service manager informed him that that sounded like an alternator problem and that it would require some light testing to figure out what exactally was going on with it.  Saying that he didn’t have the vehicle with him, he said he’d be back and he left.

He then called and inquired about the time frame he’d be looking at for testing.  I told him the test lasts about 8 minutes and the sooner he got the car in, the sooner we could fix it for him.

Later, he returned.  I thought he would have the car by now, but alas, the car was at his house.  He was going to bring the car but then he came up with this great idea.

Him: “So, you need to test the car first right?”

Me: “Well, we want to make sure that we discover and fix the problem the first time.”

Him: “Well, my car won’t drive.  I told you that it wouldn’t start.  Why don’t you send someone to my house to do the testing.  Then I don’t have to bring it here.”

After I stopped laughing on the inside, I told him that our insurance provider would not allow us to do any work outside of our parking lot.  He told me that we could stand to be a little more convienient.

REALLY? 

He managed to get the car in, and it needed an alternator, and we fixed it.  Next time, he can call the Auto Fairy.  She’ll poof to his house in an instant and wave her magic wrench making all his car dreams come true.  Possibly, she’ll turn his ‘87 Chevy Corsica in to an ‘07 Chevy Cavalier or better, a Corvette.

Then, I hope she visits me and turns my hum-drum Probe into a 10 cylider monster so I can get to work faster…that’d be convenient.

The up’s and down’s of Chicken Wing Sunday…

Sunday is an interesting day in the automotive world.  Many porblems can not be handled due to lack of parts, and we’re working on a shorter day.  We open at 9am, and by 10:15 our schedule is full for the day.  So, we tend to have time to enjoy what I call “Chicken Wing Sunday”.  We get a few pounds of wings, talk about all kinds of things, and generally have a good time inbetween performing our duties.

The crazies also tend to come out during this lovely weekend day.  Like, we had this girl come in with an ‘01 Civic.  She had driven out to our city from St. George, Utah, and ended up in our shop when her car wouldn’t start.  On Saturday we tested the charging system, and her alternator was not putting out any voltage to the battery.  The battery had very low amperage and low voltage.

So, since the battery could still be charged, we recommended replacing her alternator and she agreed.  We put the new alternator in, and although it charged the battery, it was noisy, and many times “noisy” preceeds “broken”.  We got another alternator and installed it into the vehicle.  It ran smoothly, but when retested the charging system, the alternator was still not charging, and the battery light was on in the car. 

Now, people tend to think that this light signals a bad battery, and although in some strange sense it does, it actually notifies the driver that the alternator is not properly charging.  In some cases this can be overcharging, but in most situations it is low or no output.

Saturday night I had to tell this girl her car wouldn’t be ready until the morning.  Sunday, it took until about 11:30 until I could get the third alternator.  By 12:45 the new alternator was in.  (A slight delay took place as Chicken Wing Sunday begins at Noon.)

Well, this car made us scratch our heads.  The part physically fit inside the vehicle.  It mechanically worked properly and quietly.  Tests showed that it was producing power and sending it to the battery, and the battery was acepting the charge.  But the charging (battery) light was still on.  We scratched our heads, we got out the light tester and tested all the wires, they had power.  The car was angering us because it made no sense for the light to be on at this point.  Defeated, I walked to the desk to call this bubbley girl to let her know that her car was not responding in the normal fashion.

Me: “You know, we feellike we’re so close to getting your car finished, but we can’t figure out why the charging light is still on.  We’ve done everything we can think if, and all the tests show the alternator is working fine. We’re thinking you might have a problem with the light itself and that’s just not something I’m able to handle today.”

Her: “Oh, that?  It’s always been on, every since I bought the car.  I’m sorry, should I have told you that?”

Me: “Well, we’ve been scratching our heads, trying to figure out why this light is on, wondering what we could do to try to get you home in time.”

Her: “I never even put it together, I’m so sorry.”

Me: “It’s cool, I’m glad to discover that this problem isn’t new.  Now you can get back on the road, your car is ready I suppose.”

Her: “I’ll be right there.”

Now, this girl was really cool.  And I’m so she had some knowledge of her car and how it functions, but as a service writer, my job becomes more difficult when I don’t have all the pertinent information.  I know she didn’t viciously withhold information from me.  But she would have had a little more time to travel in the daylight had she thought of that detail.  Hopefully these things will return to her mind next time she gets her car serviced and she’ll give all the information about her car. 

When she drove off I was happy that we were able to help her out.  When I walked back to the desk a lady was standing there looking at me like I wasn’t running to her fast enough,

She told me she had a ‘96 Suburban and she wanted to know how much it would cost to get a radiator hose put on. 

Me: “Do you need an upper or lower radiator hose?”

Her: (Obviously annoyed.) “How should I know?”

Me: “Well if you can’t tell me, I can’t give you a price.”

Her: “The top one.”

Me: “OK, I’m showing listings for two different hoses.  Is the radiator 33′ or 40′, it makes a difference for the hose.”

Her: “How am I supposed to know that?”

I resisted the urge to give her a tape measure and explain the little lines and numbers, because that’s not “good service”.

Me: “I’ll go for the larger radiator and if that’s the wrong one, it will cost you less.”

I looked up the price for the hose and for the labor and it came to around $120.  After looking at me like I had three eyes, she says she’d like to have the work done.

I tell her it will be a few hours before her car comes in, but that I could have it done by the end of the day. 

Her: “But I want it done sooner.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s the best I can do at 2:30 on a Sunday.”

Her: “Well, if you can’t do it right now, then I’ll just leave.”

Me: “OK, Have a nice day.”

This girl got a sour face, turned around and stomped out of the shop like a child.  Like a little, angry, spoiled child.

The winner of the Most Angry Spaz award came in around 5pm to give her greatest performance to date.  This older woman with cakey foundation and out-of-line eyeliner came to the service desk.  When she arrived and slamed her giant purse on the desk, I asked her if I could help her.

Her: (Rolling her eyes) “Yeah, I need a tire and I need it now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re not acepting anymore vehicles because it is five and we still have to clean up the shop.”

Her: “I have things that I need to do tommorrow and i don’t have time to wait.”

Me: “We open tommorrow at 8am, we can get you in then.  I’m sorry, but if I took your car tonight, I couldn’t finish it until the morning anyway.  My installer has three cars he needs to finish in an hour and also has to help clean the shop.”

Her: “Oh!  This is f*#king unbelieveable!  You mean you can’t just mount a F*#king tire for me?  What the f*#k are you good for then?  It’s so simple to mount a tire but you’d rather inconvenience me in my time of need?”

Me: “I can sell you just the tire, if you have the right equipment it doesn’t take but a few minutes to put it on the rim.”

Her: “That’s f*#king great!  I can’t believe this, you’re leaving me here with a bad tire when you could just put one on…”

She continued her rant as she walked out the front door and I was amazed to see a grown person acting so retarded.  It’s like she couldn’t understand that my installer (the guy that handles my tires, batteries, oil changes, light bulbs, and any other light maintenance) had more work than he should have and at some point we have to say no.  We can’t help every person every day.  We want to help people get thier cars fixed, but when they come to us they need to understand that we have limitations.  We have lines that we can not cross and actions we can not perform.  Plus, having a nasty attitude doesn’t help you out when trying to get something done.  I would have helped her out had she come in a little wearlier, but at some point we have to deny the customer so we can go home and get some rest.   I apologize to every one who has been told “Not Tonight” and I ask that you remember that many places close and stop serving the public for a number of hours each night.  The automotive workd also abides by these rules.  In fact, I’m going to get some rest right now. 

*CLOSED*