What is wrong with people who own Crown Vics?

Today was my first day back to work after a brief vacation.  I was glad to see my co-workers and my customers…at first anyway.  The honeymoon ended when the phone rang, and I dared to answer it.  The guy on the other end of the phone started the conversation off poorly…

Guy: “I must have pushed the wrong button, I’m looking for the service department.”

Me: “No, you reached service, how can I help you?”

Guy: “Well, I need to know the price of a tune-up.”

Me: “OK.  What type of vehicle?”

Guy: “It’s a Crown Vic, like the kind the police use.  It has a V-8.”

Me: “They all do.  What year is it?”

Guy: “2000.”

Me: “Alright, it’s just shy of $122.  $121.57.  That price only covers the spark plugs and the labor to install them, it doesn’t include wires or anything else.”

Guy: “Well, can you give me a price on all of that?”

Me: “No problem.”

Guy: “Oh, and this car doesn’t have what you would call a cap and rotor.  A distributer cap.  It has what’s called a COIL PACK (said verry slowly), it’s a little square thing, one above each cylinder.”

Me: “Yes, I am completely aware of what a COIL PACK (also said verry slowly) is and how it functions even.   I’d have to call the dealership in order to price the coil pack for you.”

I gave him the prices on everything else, and was never happier to get off the phone.  Maybe I should be used to it by now, but it still bothers me when people question my knowledge of cars.  I don’t know everything, but chances are, I know more than someone calling my job to ask questions.  It’s like people think that I have my job so the company can meet some quota or something.  Welcome to the new millenium.  Women are allowed out of the kitchen now. 

AAaahhhh, the ugly is out now.  Sometimes, the ugly feminist inside gets out and I say crazy things.  hahaha

Well, then I go into the shop and I see one of our mechanics was working on a ‘90 Chevy pickup.  He was replacing the starter on it and once he got it in he reconnected the battery and turned the key.  The solenoid energized, the starter engaged and tried to turn, but no luck.  I heard it and i knew something was terribly wrong.  It wasn’t my customer but I looked the vehicle up when I got back inside to see what had been recommended to him.  He requested the starter.  We offered him a diagnostic, but he declined, saying he knew that the starter was old and it was “time to replace it”.  He spent like  $200 getting the starter and putting it in.  It would have cost him only $20 to find out that the crankshaft was locked up on it. 

My coworker asked me if I could call this customer because I was “good at delivering bad news to people”.  So I called this guy and told him that I had good news and and bad news.  The good news was the starter being sucessfully installed.  The bad news was that the truck still didn’t start because the engine is locked. 

He seemed surprised that he hadn’t hit the nail on the head.  Funny how those things worked out.  This time, when  offered him the diagnostic he accepted it.  This time, it was a more expensive diag, but we needed to find out what caused the engine to seize and if it could be repaired or if it needed to be replaced.  He kicked himself a little bit, but I told him that it happens more often than he would suspect.  People like to diagnose thier own vehicles and they look at thier cars as hobbies, but most people aren’t familiar enough with thier vehicle to be cost effective. 

If only people could just let go …let the mechanic fix your ride, just like you let the chef cook your food.    If you don’t trust the mechanic, buy a Chilton, a six-pack, and learn to do it yourself.  The automotive world won’t really miss you.  We’ll be busy, doing our jobs. 

She almost got rear-ended…but tonight she was screwed…

While waiting for the final two hours of work to be over, the phone rang.  This is a normal occurance at my job so I answered as it gave me something to do on a slow night.  A girl on the other end asked about getting her tail lights changed.  I told her if she came down quickly we should be able to get it done, but that my installer was getting off at seven.

Now, at this point I had a couple guys come in to get a tire repaired and a lady come by to get a battery installed.  The installer got to work on these new jobs and he also had an oil change from earlier to start.

At 6:55 a young lady comes in telling me that she needs her brake lights replaced.  I tell her that it’s not gonna happen, it’s too late. 

Her: “But, I called and you said if i came in by seven it would be done.”

Me: “I said my installer was getting off work at seven and it’s six-fifty-five.  He still has a 45min oil change to do.”

Her: “Well, I THINK that this is something of an emergency because my last brake light has gone out and I’ve almost been rear-ended three times.  I think he can take a few minutes to do this for me.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry that all your lights are out but I never thought you’d wait until seven to bring the car here.”

Her: “Don’t you know that I can get a ticket for not having any brake lights?”

Me: “I’m well aware of the law regarding vehicular lighting, but there’s nothing I’m going to be able to do for you tonight.”

Her: “Well, why did you tell me I could get it done tonight?”

Me: “Like I told you, I didn’t think you would wait this late to come in.  I told you what time he was getting off.  We do sell bulbs and tools if you want to replace them yourself.”

With this, she gave me a dirty look and trotted off in the direction of the door.

Now, I don’t know what kind of car she was driving (nor do I care), but I can tell you that in the six years that I have working around cars, it is rare that all of your brake lights go out at one time.  It’s almost unheard of.  It’s more likely that you will have two brake lights go out at one time and even that is not common. 

We’re all aware that vehicles manufactured after the mid-eighties have to have a high mount brake light.  That’s three lights people.  If one goes out, just replace it.  Maybe if you cared enough to check your lights once a month you wouldn’t have three lights out at one time.  Waiting until all your lights are out and you’re risking injury to your car or yourself just shows the world that you don’t give a crap.  That’s why if someone rear ends you because you have no brake lights YOU are the one who is liable for any and all damage, because maybe after a few thousand dollars or repair and medical bills, it will be important enough for you to check for the proper operation of your safety equipment. 

I wonder if I’ll ever see this girl again.  Possibly she’ll come in tomorrow, asking us to fix the problem that she’s left to fester, and my gut tells me that she’ll still think that her problem is more important than every one else’s.  If she comes back, I’ll be sure to write about it…as I love to tell stories about the vehicularly-retarded.

Manners required beyond this point…

Many people have little things about them that annoy other people.  Some people talk loud, some people eat with thier mouthes open, some people are alive.  Well, today I met a man with a disgusting, gross, nasty, childish, irritating, unhealthy, rude habit that almost caused me to eject my lunch onto the computer.

He came up the the desk, and I totally noted how cute he was.  But then we began to talk…

Me: “How can I help you, Sir?”

Him: “I need two new tires.”

Then it happened…he slipped his pinkey finger into his mouth.

Him: “I should be in your computer.”

The fact that he had an accent was bad enough, but with this finger in his mouth he was nearly impossible to understand.  I got his name and phone number and found his vehicle information, including his tire size. 

Me: “Which tires are we going to replace, the fronts or rears?”

Him: (Now chewing on his finger.) “It’s the fronts.”

Pptthhoo…

He spit his cuticle on the desk!!!!

OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS!!!!  (That’s what I thought…seriously.)

I held back the wave of vomit threatening to erupt for within me.  I put my pen down, looked him in the eye and told him that he had to stop chewing on his fingers and keep his hand out of his mouth while we’re talking or he wouldn’t be getting any tires.

Him: “Are you serious?”

Like I’m going to lie to him about something so vile. 

Me: “I’m very serious.  That’s gross man.”

Him: “Oh.”

He removed his fist from his face long enough to finish writing up the work order.  Then, as soon as he walked away from the desk, he called someone on the cell phone and put the ring finger of the hand holding the phone into his mouth (yuck) and proceeded to talk, chew, and spit.  You may ask yourself what this has to do with auto repair.  And I’ll tell you. 

People like this keep the writers and mechanics in good moods because we spend countless hours and days talking about these types of people.  We all laughed about Mister Spitty Fingers for a while.  He was the best thing that could have happened to Service on a day like this. 

That is until Peaches came in…

It’s not a virtue, it’s not even real.

Well, again, the day started out with the normal sunrise, drive, and unlocking of the doors.  The morning rush of people trying to get in the door first is always an interesting event to watch.  These people spend the time to think about which door is most likely to be opened first and they jockey for position in line. 

I applaud these people who risk getting to work late and losing thier morning sleep to get thier vehicle fixed first.  I appreiciate this because I am a morning person.  But you know what I don’t appreciate?  People who whine all morning about thier car repair.

This guy came in to get a tire repaired.  This wasn’t a problem.  Well, wasn’t supposed to be a problem, but he seemed to not understand how things worked.  See, he made it as the first person in line, so his car was coming in first, but in the morning the shop is full of cars.  Any cars that can be moved out are moved out, then they start bringing in cars for repair.  Invariably, there will be vehicles that have to be pushed out, so this process can take like fifteen minutes.  And I told him that the had to wait for the morning ritual to be completed then he would get his tire fixed, he agreed to these conditions.

Probably ten minutes into the process, he flies out from the waiting room and questions why his vehicle is still in the same place he left it.  I explained to him again the order of things in the shop and he seemes to “remember” me telling him this and he returnrd to the waiting room.

Once his car was driven inside, he returned to my desk to ask how long it would take because “That guy’s just writing stuff down on a paper.”

Really…

I explained to him that for our records and his we record the VIN, mileage, any damage all for the sake of paper work.  I also told him that it would be 20-30 minutes to complete the job then a few more minutes to ring him out.  He seemed to be in such a hurry.

I realize that people have things to do and we’re in a world that abides by a strict time schedule, but we can only go so fast before we lose track of our safety.  That’s why you can’t get everything done in two minutes in the shop.  Even if you annoy us to death, we want you to be safe in your vehicle.  Patience is important in this game. 

So this guy leaves me alone, and I’m good.  Until I look into the shop and I see him standing outside the bay where his car was.  I went into the shop to get a better idea of what is going on because I saw him talking to the installer.  Sure enough, he’s asking him question after question about the tire, making it take more time to repair his tire.

Finally, I get the peper work back and begin to invoice this guy’s paperwork.  He’s standing in front of me, tapping his credit card on the counter. 

Tap tap tap

tap tap tap

tappity tappity tap tap.

WOW!!!  I could not believe this guy. 

Then he asked if he could pay.  I told him that all that information that the installer too forever to write down also had to be entered into the computer.  He paced in front of the desk for a few seconds then I handed him his paper work and told him to go to checkout.

This was at about 8:45 am.

We open at eight.  I think we did quite the reasonable job as far as getting him in and out in a reasonable amount of time.  He maybe could have shaved a few minutes off his time had he not been gabbing with the person who was fixing his car. 

It’s difficult to do your job when someone is distracting you.  Just think if you were in heart surgery and the nurses were going on about the party last night.  The surgeon may not pay as much attention to you, especially if the party was good.

Of course mechanics are far from doctors, and replacing a water pump is nothing like replaing a blood pump, but the fact remains that anyone can do a worse job if they aren’t allowed to concentrate.

Might I suggest harrassing your mother while your car gets repaired.  She probably misses you, and by the time you manage to get off the phone with her, your car will be ready and you can be on your way.

I myself had my car in the shop last week, and although I check on the progress, I left the mechanic alone so that he could do his work.  I even had to deal with the fact that my car was ready an hour or so after it was supposed to be.  I had been at work all day, and I couldn’t leave ’cause my car was missing a strut and still needed an alignment.  But you know what.  He did a good job, I’m happy with the work.  So, I understand how inconvenient it is to be carless.  I have a kid and a family to go home to just like the rest of the world. 

If everyone just told a friend (and they told a friend) that some things take time, we’d all be able to live just a little more harmoniously. 

I hope you don’t die while you wait for this post to end…

It’s been quite a week, but today I returned to work.  When I walked in, i new it was going to be a smooth day.  And for the most part it was.  Now, everything was going well, and at some point this guy comes in and wants a fuel injection service.  It’s like 3pm and I told him it’d be about an hour before he came in.  He gets upset because, “I have other things to do”. 

He couldn’t believe that his car wan’t going to come right in. 

I have noticed this pattern in people and I’m shocked that people don’t understand the waiting process.  It’s like there was a whole generation of people who never had to wait for anything.

Like these three guys that came in one day a few months ago.  They needed a tire repaired, and this was a Sunday close to Thanksgiving.  They were lucky to find someone open, but they were irritated when I told them that there were a few cars ahead of them.  They were french (I don’t care enough to capitalize it, they sucked that much.) and they shot me dirty looks while exchanging dirty looks. 

Suddenly, thier demeanor softens and one says that he’ll pay me to get him into the shop sooner.  I told him to call my other customers and ask if they would mind him paying me off to make them wait longer.  He soured back up, declined my idea, and left.

Le Poo on him AND his frou-frou friends!

Now, I have a four year old, and she has a little problem with waiting, but she knows when to let go and get over it.  But she’s four.  Why on earth do grown men whine more than my preschooler?

I ask myself this.  Did thier mothers let them act this way?  Do thier wives take this?  YUCK!  Well, I don’t take this crap from them.  I tell them that other people need the same attention that he does and they were here first…then I walk away.  If you don’t listen and give in, they’ll accept reality or leave.  Either way, my life goes on. 

For all you impatient people out there let me make a suggestion: Get a Chilton and learn how to do it yourself.  Save the auto-service industry the trouble of having to interact with you.  We don’t care about your issues, problems, obsessions, and whatever else, you aren’t any more important that the next person in crisis.  Just buy some tools, work on your own car, and complain to your spouse about your slow mechanic.

Seriously, we can’t pull 15 cars into the shop at one time, and we wouldn’t have enough mechanics at one time to get them done at the same time.  So, we do a lot of things on the first come, first serve principle.   That’s life.  We put the papers into cue, and then they go in order.  No one is more important.  Just because you wear gaudy rocks, gallons of cologn, and puffy Nautica jackets doesn’t mean anything.  We want to help you get back on the road, but make no mistake, we all drive our cars home at night.  We won’t lose sleep over your bad attitude.

Welcome to 2007, the year of Take-Your-Crap-And-Shove-It!

hahahaha